Friday, November 29, 2013

News This week

Saturday, 30th November, 2013 (Actual headline on front page of economic times)

In the most shocking of revelations, Goldman Sachs has said that the upcoming parliamentary elections could play an important part in shaping the future of the country. The government and the citizens of the country are equally in shock after this statement. The leading investment advisory firm based in the US have gone on to say that India needs to focus on reforms.

Finance Minister P Chidambaram said, "We did not see this coming. But then, these are investment advisory firms and their reports are based on a number of criteria assigned different weight ages. It is not necessary that they have to be true. We would like to assure the public that we are doing everything in our power to change the opinion of Goldman Sachs"

The report says that greater stress on reforms and the removal of infrastructure bottle necks may spur India's economic growth. "Firms like Goldman Sachs are such a boon to the world", Rajan said. "If it weren't for this report, we would never have known the secret to economic growth. I would like to emphasis that we are in a very safe position and are on track towards a zero inflation future." Sensex rose by 11 basis points after Mr. Rajan's statement.

We could only get a quick response from Rahul Gandhi, "What elections?"

NaMo responded to us through whatsapp, "I'm very good at shaping the future. Shaping is actually a passion that i have held close to my heart since my childhood. I have even managed to shape an image of myself as a secular and religiously unbiased lauda"

"typo *leader"

Our special correspondent whom we had sent to the Goldman Sachs office in the US was not available for comments since he had apparently missed his connecting flight from Hawaii.

As the nation is gripped by this report, it prepares itself for the high octane mega budget drama that is the general elections 2014.

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